missing strokes
(c) kejser_soze

there are moments when you realize your insignificancy in this world and understand how pityful and helpless you are. this is the time when you start wishing to get drunk, to desert all your hobbies and interests, and then at the worst - to shoot your own head through, at the best - to start it all with a new sheet. it occurs by itself, it's hard to understand which factors are involved into killing self-criticism, and it's even harder to find the reasons which cause fatal factors. But one thing is clear - unconscious reflexes of the local person can be the reason for desperation rather than unsuccessful creative impulse.

especially it might be hard to accept your own creation, which is praised by others but which appears self-insufficient to you. in such moments you want to fill in the gaps in your own works, but the absolute futility in everything you're trying to do promises fast death of the creative person. you close your eyes and you see your ugly face which no one likes, even if others claim different. you start searching for lacks in yourself, and if you can't find the necessary number of them, you invent them and you start attributing yourself with characteristics which you don't possess but which begin to develop horribly fast. they are usually negative. to avoid fatal consequences, the best advice is healthy sleep.

to die peacefully is not the way out of the situation, you can never be sure that they will start appreciating you after your death and that they will realize their loss. it's very hard to say how morally degradated can a man become when he thinks about empty creativity. in fact the death must be deserved, because it is much worse to die morally then physically. while you live and while lots of psychologoical processes and inner antagonisms take place, it's hard to stay calm, so people use narcotic means of influence, that is the cowardly attempt to escape from reality, to look back to estimate soberly everything you've done and you are to do in future. this is the way to become noticeable in your life while going step by step to the peaceful death.

when you persuade yourself in your own insignificancy, you lose the part of yourself. instead of aspiring to own indispensability, many people are just afraid of this word and they speak of it like it is something unreachable. you must love yourself the way you are instead of trying to create a pityful image of a person you want to imitate, and that is wrong for many reasons. you still can't imitate 100%, and the inferiority complex can be developed when you see that; it's unpleasant to be such a semifinished item, it's much better to develop own advantages than to become a poor excuse of others. if you follow wrong life policy, critical number of talents will remain unrevealed because of their dramatic qualities. In order to avoid mistakes, you need to create your own unique image which, as you feel, will become a subject for imitation and discussion, while consisting of your own personal characteristics. It might take months or more to embody it, but the result will be worth it, because only 5 percent of people have the privilege to be considered a morally sufficient person.

many people suffer from greed, they don't notice inner stagnancy. but it's much better than being different, but searching for stagnancy where there's no sign of it at all. sooner or later this man will find it, because the searching caused its development, though its negative sides weren't expressed for the moment. then the situation can get worse, very hard to fix. the best option in such situation is to take time for self-improvement on the subconscious emotional level, nothing more - because the real art can be completely alogical and free of inductive links. if the product is left unfinished, born by a inspiration moment which is not subject to logic, a dark spot will be left in the soul, but it can always be made temporary by bringing in some missing strokes by force.

// eof